Posted by AP

I needed some shoes for winter so I head out to Eaton Centre before class. But everytime I look at a pair I'm torn, 'What would Mudasser Ali say? What would Riyaz say?' It turns out that I have the fashion sense of an African Ilama - so I'm completely paralyzed in decisions involving the use of my fashion sense. Realizing I needed a guy with proper fashion sense I called in the best of the best for backup. A man so refined you could be forgiven for thinking him gay - the one and only Mudasser Ali.

He's so refined that he even showed up fashionably on time (30 minutes late) at Union station. Speaking of Union station has anyone noticed that they've placed those metal bars on Bay St. in front of the GO bus station so you can't j-walk anymore? I saw fat people stranded in the middle of the street like cows in India (sometimes you even see them in the middle of the highway), bichara.

And then off we went shoe shopping. Mudasser Ali informing me that all the shoes I picked up were 'terrible'. I tried in vain to see what the difference was in shoes that were 'terrible' and ones 'solid'.

We wasted most of our precious shopping time at a Turkish doner place. Turns out that the meat wasn't great and Mudasser Ali didn't approve one bit. Afraid that the restauranter might subject us to excruciating Turkish nipple torture if Mudasser Ali decided to express his dissatisfaction a la Pathan style I talked him out of the refund and we walked out - nipples intact.

(Mudasser Ali joke from the restaurant: What do you call a guy who sits all day twisting the ends of his handlebar mustache and bullies people calling their mothers whores? The town Choudhary)

We then returned for another round of shopping, this time we did toques. Promptly after the purchase I stepped out of the store and wore it. After a good many minutes Mudasser Ali informed me that I was walking around the mall with a cap that still had all its labels and stickers attached. I cringe when I think of what the classy people must have thought.

We finished off our trip with Lenscrafters. Wanted Mudasser's approval on some Ray Ban's which were clinically proven to make you look 23% hotter. I got there and didn't see any frame that looked half as good as the one I remembered. I guess it was probably because I wasn't wearing my glasses when I first visited Lenscrafters. Cute opitician girl started to help us choose a nice frame and her cuteness didn't go unnoticed by Captain Mack. He starts asking her random pointless questions about working in the field and such. So I piped in and said, 'My friend just wants to be a Dr. Ali.'

Cute Optician Girl: Well that's a very ambitious goal. If you want to become an optometrist, Mr. Ali...
Captain Mack: Please, call me ... Daddy.

And that concluded our day. We regretted not having enough time to hit Williams Sonoma to check out the classy burtun.

I can't say that session was a waste. Because at the end of the day I learned an important lesson, I learned that I can hop onto the GO trains at Union Station without paying and nobody is gonna check.

In other news...

I was surfing net and guess what I stumbled upon?

(From Irshad Munji's page)
How do you get your hair that way?


'With the help of Salon Selectives moulding putty ($2.99 a container; no need for anything more expensive). As for my haircut, I get it done at Jaz Salon in Toronto.'

In the wise words of Mudasser Ali himself, "YOOOOOOOOOOOO / shit man / yo man / thats crazy / she's using OUR product"

Word.

So while the world was left overwhelmed with Irshad Munji's debut as a truly controversial figure, Irshad Munji feels she needs to use a hair styling product that has the seal of approval from figures who would humble even her in their ability to stir controversy and piss people off.

Not content to simply sit there and feel smug about ourselves, we emailed her and told her how cool it is that all three of us apply Salon Selective Hairy Putty every morning.

Now we're waiting anxiously for her reply.

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